Mixed Emotions

Sometimes I feel like I’m on overload.  I know I do it to myself and get wrapped up in the business of everyday life.  Then when I take the time to step back and look and feel what I am doing, I am able to see where I need to add and where I need to subtract.  I’ve had a lot of lessons this week and am truly grateful when I get a psychic kick in the butt and get a reality check.

I’ve been enjoying going to the gym 3 times a week at Curvas Bonitas.  The name inspires me and so does Bonnie, the owner.  65 is not the new 25, or at least my body says it isn’t.  I am happy for what I can do and have finally reached the point where I am energized, not exhausted, after my workout.  Lesia, my good friend, has joined me and having a workout buddy is a blessing, as I can come up with a dozen reasons why I can’t make it to the gym.  Thank you Lesia for clearing me up on that point.

I have been more dedicated in my Spanish practice and have my teacher, Bruce, to thank for that.  I am a mix of excited and terrified because tomorrow we are headed to David, where Bruce will expect us (several of his students)  to conduct all our interactions in Spanish.  I can just see it now.  Oh lord!  They say laughter is good for the soul.  Pretty sure we are going to prove it tomorrow.

Guitar practice is going about as well as spanish.  Mas o menos.  John left his guitar here for me to play with while he is at Burning Man, a yearly event for him.  Now I have 3 that I get to practice on.  I enjoy my practice time, and Dennis seems to tolerate me banging around on chords and practicing fingerpicking until my fingers give out.  Thanks hon.

I’ve been getting together with a few friends and spending some afternoons exploring different art mediums.  Lately, I’ve been experimenting with watercolors and was fortunate enough to meet up with a local watercolorist who shared many excellent ideas with me to get started.

This Tuesday, I begin a new book club with a few likeminded friends.  We are discussing The Light Between Oceans and I have to say, the ending left me emotionally drained and sad.  I love a good book that makes me examine my own life and how closely I match my ideals with my actions.

Being retired is a bit decadent in that I’m able to focus my time and attention on self-exploration.  I feel so fortunate to have amazing teachers available here and time to just lose myself in the activities I love.  I do have mixed emotions that I am in a place in my life where life is showering me with blessings….amazing people, wonderful opportunities, creative expression, spiritual study, etc.  And while I enjoy these blessings, my heart knows that there is also heartache and challenge as well.  My body doesn’t quite work as well as it once did.  I am not a size 10 anymore.  I feel compassion and empathy for friends who are dealing with serious illnesses and the loss of a loved one, when a friend experiences betrayal or roadblocks to some perceived goal. I miss the daily interactions with my son and grandson and feel the emptiness  of a missed softball game or birthday party.  I miss a yoga celebration with friends.  I miss my Science of Mind friends.  I smile, but the mixed emotions are there.  I embrace  all that I am.   It’s why we’re here.  There is a degree of calmness with growing older.  I worry less about who might judge me and worry more about how I judge myself.    I think that’s a good thing.   I am hoping that mine is a life well lived.


Bruce Laidlaw at Cafe Cacao for a spanish lesson

Bruce Laidlaw at Cafe Cacao for a spanish lesson

Dennis is surprised that is BP is WAY down.  Yay!  No meds.

Dennis is surprised that is BP is WAY down. Yay! No meds.

Deborah sells her gourmet chocolate to Audrey and Patricia

Deborah sells her gourmet chocolate to Audrey and Patricia

Ladies are kickin' it, Bollywood style.

Ladies are kickin’ it, Bollywood style.


About Rona True

Welcome to my blog. My name is Rona and I live here in Boquete, with my husband, Dennis. I've been keeping an online 'journal' of our adventure moving to Panama as a way to stay in touch with friends. As the universe is wont to do, my path crossed with some serious bloggers who have been encouraging me to step it up a bit with my technology, and so here I am; a novice blogger with a penchant for the spiritual path. Panama is a perfect place to recover the pieces I left along the way as I raised a family, had a career in teaching, and generally followed the 'responsible' road. I travel a new road now and each day brings a new awareness. Panama is a land which brings the senses alive. The culture, warmth of its people, sights and sounds are the stimulus for my journey. Without my incredible husband, this would not be possible. We breathe the same air on this adventure and I invite you to come along for the ride.
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2 Responses to Mixed Emotions

  1. Awww! I love this post!!! Thanks for sharing ! It’s amazing how many wonderful adventures your doing that I read and think…”I WANNA DO THAT!” Hah! When our life calms a bit I must start following you around!!! Cheers Mi amiga!!

  2. Thank you Rona for sharing, all that is vulnerable and beautiful in your life. I see you there and smile!

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